what is this pain?

I feel pain at the loss of my honor. For years I've been wondering where this pain was coming from and for years I have been a dishonest person. I've lied to the people I love and even people I barely know just to maintain this facade I'm just now starting to wrestle off. Underneath I now realize the pain I've been feeling is a mourning at the loss of my honor. The most valuable thing a person can possess is honor. In feudal Japan it was customary to disembowel yourself if you had failed to uphold your honor. If that were true here and now I would have been dead many times over.
So, how do you rebuild honor? How do reconstruct integrity? Where do you start?

I'm trying not to lie. I guess it's a start. I'm trying to catch myself in the lie before I do it. I'm trying (not always on my own) to make myself own up to the truth even when I do lie. I want to be a better person. I want to be my own person. Honest to the core and the kind of guy you wish were your friend. I don't want to be worshipped I just want to be respected. The hardest part is coming by that respect honestly.
I must learn what integrity means.
Here are my affirmations then:
I will do what I say.
I will underpromise and overdeliver.
I will be on time or early
I will be considerate of others.

Everyday I will review my schedule for the next day at the end of the day. i will make sure I take time to consider others and slow down. I will make sure that I do one extra considerate thing everyday with time permitting.

and I'll see how long I can make it last.